day 11: singled out
Last night I was drafting this post in my head, but I took some cough medicine and my bed had never looked so good before. I laid there thinking about my long bought of singleness. And how incredibly unsuited I am for relationships. And yet I fantasize about them.
There is just something about being singled out. Being chosen. Being the centre of attention for one person, and one person only. And now I wonder about Freud, and if he was right about anything, despite his obvious shortcomings. Maybe relationships really are just a reenactment of the mother wound.
Regardless. I hate picking up crumbs, especially if they're truly unintentional, and treating them as evidence of something. I keep readjusting my glasses, just to confirm that you are, indeed, looking straight at me. What are the chances that this is a subliminal message? Is there a reason why you're saying these particular words, words that cut particularly deep, while our eyes are locked?
I know I'm just another Elazar to you, but I'll take it if it means being singled out.