day 13: i wish(ed)
I finished reading my first Dennis Cooper. It was a raw and visceral experience.
I kept thinking,
This is the kind of book that I want to write.
This is the kind of love I've had and will think about for the rest of my days.
This is how easily we are haunted by lost love.
This is how sad it is to have this ghost follow you for years and years and forty years.
This is shocking.
I wish I had Cooper's sensibilities. I will read it again. I'll even buy it.
"I want to know that all my love for him is worth it or find someone who'll convince me he was no one much"
"I looked at you for a really long time [...] but I still don't know you."
"You're there to be convinced and help me prove my love was not meaningless to him."
"I'm another writer who is obviously in love and who has lost my way linguistically. How do I make you care,since no one cares that much about another's love."
"please, please forget about me and think about and think of me as just some person who is telling you about him."