day 14: this turned into something else
When I put on this bear mask, I become more myself.
The anonymity of this nameless blog allows me to freely put all my feelings onto the page. Over the past couple of days, I just could not resist and put out everything. In doing so, I confess that the true, initial purpose of this blog has not been fulfilled.
Becoming.
Epitedeuma.
Vocation.
Devotion.
Just what or whom exactly am I devoted to? Am I truly capable of devotion? Sometimes I feel like a mindless helot.
lately, I been feeling like a slave for the
nicotinescreen
The Emperor card jumps out at me. A bear seated on a throne. Arktos. The answer could be pure discipline. A stern and authoritative hand. A father figure.
I immediately melt and my mind wanders back to Elazar, in need of mentorship and guidance.
Do I step forward and accept this half-hearted attempt of an offer?
Am I just simply a mold for others to shape into their projection of me?
I want to mold myself into the truest, best version of me, without any need for a mask.