devotion
Do you believe in self fulfilling prophecies? When it comes to making commitments, I feel that I usually start them out earnestly. But at a certain point, I find myself slipping. At such points, I think to myself, "oh right, this is why I am bad at commitments."
I think my problem is a lack of devotion. The etymology of the word traces back to the word "vow." Vows are not just promises. They are solemn, serious, and all-consuming. They require a different frame of mind. They should not be taken lightly.
For most of the commitments I make, I never feel their true gravity at the onset of it. What does it really mean for me to take on something new? Do I truly feel like this is the right thing for me? Or do I just like the idea of it?
With all things, it comes back to the why.
I am on this journey of becoming because why? Because I am unhappy with myself. Because I believe that I can be so much better than I am, currently. There are many weaknesses that I see in myself. Never sticking to the things I set out to do, being one of them. Consistency is another sore spot. Being naive and irrational are some others.
So, here I am. At the start of a new thing that I am committing myself to (this blog). But really, I an devoting myself to something bigger than just a blog. I am devoting myself to becoming.